I'm absolutely blown away by this post. Because you've reached the exact same conclusion about change in relation to emotional trauma that I have. But it's not just that. It's that I've rarely come across anything that expresses an understanding so similar to what I've arrived at after decades of reading self-help and psychology and doing therapy. My perspective is not about supplements but about why therapy is usually so ineffective. The reason is that the same numbing response that creates the inability to truly relax also prevents the full conscious access to the feelings being discussed in the sessions that is really needed to change our understanding of what happened to us and change our feelings. It's very difficult to overcome. The numbing response is triggered by the feeling. It simply is conditioned. It will happen, every time. I see it as the reason why change is so difficult.
Thank you for your kind comments. When you say, "The reason is that the same numbing response that creates the inability to truly relax also prevents the full conscious access to the feelings being discussed in the sessions", I could not agree more. Nailed it.
This is THE central thing here, and it's heartbreaking to think not only of how many people just do not physically have the capacity to relax, but also of how inevitable it is in these situations that they will suffer from 'disrepair and disinvestment' symptoms (which will see them passed around the system until they get given a meaningless label and trialled on a variety of pharmaceuticals, with predictable results).
I’ve noticed that many women who are either unable to beat morning sickness or who experience massive anxiety postpartum seem to have a strong recoil at this transition that presents a significant hurdle to enjoying the slower pace demanded by early motherhood.
100% this. It's clear to me that the always-moving always-doing hyper-stimulatory Cult of Productivity that we call modern society does no favours to any of us but the group that is most short-changed is new mothers.
Theres no longer the rite of passage in preparing for this shift and no time to connect with the internal changes taking place. Then along comes a massive change in routine, huge fluctuation in hormones. There's no longer the 'village' that mothers traditionally had to lean, then add in major sleep disruption and then tag on a never-ending stream of Insta posts from new mums who all seem to be 'loving every minute'... and there's no addressing this. Just SSRIs.
This phenomenon needs far more discussion and awareness amongst practitioners and clients/patients. Being aware that things often feel and are "worse" before getting better (1) is reassuring to those who wonder why they feel worse despite doing the emotional and physical work necessary and (2) could prevent folks [such as my spouse] from abandoning potentially useful therapies because "it makes me feel worse."
Totally agree. I've heard the phrase that "Western medicine confuses healing with the disease" and I see this play out all the time. I think that this ties into several misconceptions that underpin the entire body of Western medicine, most specifically that the body is fixed through the selection of The Right Drug, ie. that this is is a passive process that is done to our body, rather than recognize that the body is self-healing (providing that there are no obstacles stopping it from doing so).
And unfortunately there are often obstacles. Which then contribute to lack of improvement or what looks like worsening of symptoms. Too few practitioners or people are enough aware to know to address or even how to address these obstacles.
My functional dr describes "platforms" of healing... going step by step, with support along the way, so that with time and progressive return to health, true deep healing can be reached.
I have experienced pattern 1 and 3 numerous times following stressful situations but I didn't have the language to define them so clearly. I often experience 1 and 3 simultaneously. I feel exhausted, tired, and overly emotional about everything following any kind of prolonged stress. I am wondering if there are ways to process the stress in the moment so there isn't such a violent recovery period later.
So the short answer here is "yes, but...". I wouldn't expect there to be a simple one-size-fits-all answer to what the options are in the moment, but the questions I would ask here would be... what specific process allowed for a comedown (ie. was it just rest, was it doing yoga, some breathwork, meditation, journalling, or a good old vent with a close friend)? Did the stress response relate to the actual/physical demands on the body (that will be stressful for anyone and call for us to step away from the situation) or was it our nervous system reacting to things that didn't require such a response (and, thus, call for some 'inner work')? It would be from checking in on these details that we can then look to integrate this process on a scheduled/ongoing basis so that there are opportunities for our system to come down quicker (before building up the 'debt')...
...simultaneously, I also find that a combination of energy support, adrenal support and sleep support can reduce the need for the stress response (the purpose of which is to correct the difference between The Resources We've Got and The Resources We Need). Naturally, exactly what this may look like would vary from one person to the next, although the Organic Acids Test can be very helpful starting point to build an idea of what any given individual may benefit from here.
Marek, I read this piece, and will read it again several times, as I sense it relates to dealing with extreme grief, such as sudden and devastating long-time-spousal loss with no health-warning precursors. The help provided by grief groups, etc., is somewhat socially tethering. But there is very little specific guidance extant on the neurobiology of shock, loss, and grief as those intersect with day to day life.
So for instance, while grief's monstrous disruption of sleep is widely acknowledged, and warned about, and the grieving person reassured that "this is normal," I have not seen any explanation of it that tracks with the information you supply. The remedy is "well, that will work itself out in time, just keep a regular schedule." But that doesn't help make sense of the situation where any accessible rest turns into turbo-grief stress. Add in that "grief" is sometimes considered an emotion, sometimes a process, sometimes a mystery, and of course Les Five Steps (the Kubler-Ross thing).
The vagueness of it all would lead one to think that death and loss are extremely rare.
I am also interested in this on behalf of those I've met who appear to have experienced, and are "swallowing," unprocessed or submerged grief resulting from the "covid" operation (being forced to accept loved ones dying alone, e.g., or not being able to secure for them needed health services, or sudden deaths post jab, or waking up to the fact that they knew something wasn't quite right about what they were being told, but they didn't push back). Though called "grief" their emotional state is more like hyperstimulated stress/trauma defined as "grief," given death is in the mix. But it has aspects that are both neurologically/biologically and socially forced.
My reaction/reading thoughts aren't yet clear, so I'll stop there. I just wanted to say thank you.
I'll add one thing. In general hospitals are structured around extreme activity and rush--one of their defining characteristics is allowing no place/time to rest. This is especially the case when ICU or other extreme care is involved. If death results, there is the immediate activity and rush of all the administrative details of spousal/familial loss. On top of that, the griever's need suddenly to be managing relationships of people awkward at best with grief. "Finally slowing down" is when the worst emotion hits--or as some note, the week after the funeral. "When the casseroles stop coming."
The loss of traditional holding patterns (family, community, etc.) complicate death, just as you note they complicate new life. Again, you'd think that death was vanishingly rare, judging from how poorly it is handled.
Thanks. I do think it's high time our profession discussed this more; there are so many occasions that individuals lose heart because they FEEL worse and weren't briefed as to what shifts the treatment was likely to do for their system (and what patterns they are likely to see as a result). Of course, we can track this back to the education that practitioners receive, wherein there is such great focus on The Treatment rather than on the healing process itself.
What an amazing article, thank you for sharing your wisdom!
I'm absolutely blown away by this post. Because you've reached the exact same conclusion about change in relation to emotional trauma that I have. But it's not just that. It's that I've rarely come across anything that expresses an understanding so similar to what I've arrived at after decades of reading self-help and psychology and doing therapy. My perspective is not about supplements but about why therapy is usually so ineffective. The reason is that the same numbing response that creates the inability to truly relax also prevents the full conscious access to the feelings being discussed in the sessions that is really needed to change our understanding of what happened to us and change our feelings. It's very difficult to overcome. The numbing response is triggered by the feeling. It simply is conditioned. It will happen, every time. I see it as the reason why change is so difficult.
Thank you for your kind comments. When you say, "The reason is that the same numbing response that creates the inability to truly relax also prevents the full conscious access to the feelings being discussed in the sessions", I could not agree more. Nailed it.
This is THE central thing here, and it's heartbreaking to think not only of how many people just do not physically have the capacity to relax, but also of how inevitable it is in these situations that they will suffer from 'disrepair and disinvestment' symptoms (which will see them passed around the system until they get given a meaningless label and trialled on a variety of pharmaceuticals, with predictable results).
Very interesting article, thanks
I’ve noticed that many women who are either unable to beat morning sickness or who experience massive anxiety postpartum seem to have a strong recoil at this transition that presents a significant hurdle to enjoying the slower pace demanded by early motherhood.
100% this. It's clear to me that the always-moving always-doing hyper-stimulatory Cult of Productivity that we call modern society does no favours to any of us but the group that is most short-changed is new mothers.
Theres no longer the rite of passage in preparing for this shift and no time to connect with the internal changes taking place. Then along comes a massive change in routine, huge fluctuation in hormones. There's no longer the 'village' that mothers traditionally had to lean, then add in major sleep disruption and then tag on a never-ending stream of Insta posts from new mums who all seem to be 'loving every minute'... and there's no addressing this. Just SSRIs.
This is quite timely.
This phenomenon needs far more discussion and awareness amongst practitioners and clients/patients. Being aware that things often feel and are "worse" before getting better (1) is reassuring to those who wonder why they feel worse despite doing the emotional and physical work necessary and (2) could prevent folks [such as my spouse] from abandoning potentially useful therapies because "it makes me feel worse."
Totally agree. I've heard the phrase that "Western medicine confuses healing with the disease" and I see this play out all the time. I think that this ties into several misconceptions that underpin the entire body of Western medicine, most specifically that the body is fixed through the selection of The Right Drug, ie. that this is is a passive process that is done to our body, rather than recognize that the body is self-healing (providing that there are no obstacles stopping it from doing so).
Yes.
And unfortunately there are often obstacles. Which then contribute to lack of improvement or what looks like worsening of symptoms. Too few practitioners or people are enough aware to know to address or even how to address these obstacles.
My functional dr describes "platforms" of healing... going step by step, with support along the way, so that with time and progressive return to health, true deep healing can be reached.
Your doctor clearly talks a lot of sense!
I have experienced pattern 1 and 3 numerous times following stressful situations but I didn't have the language to define them so clearly. I often experience 1 and 3 simultaneously. I feel exhausted, tired, and overly emotional about everything following any kind of prolonged stress. I am wondering if there are ways to process the stress in the moment so there isn't such a violent recovery period later.
So the short answer here is "yes, but...". I wouldn't expect there to be a simple one-size-fits-all answer to what the options are in the moment, but the questions I would ask here would be... what specific process allowed for a comedown (ie. was it just rest, was it doing yoga, some breathwork, meditation, journalling, or a good old vent with a close friend)? Did the stress response relate to the actual/physical demands on the body (that will be stressful for anyone and call for us to step away from the situation) or was it our nervous system reacting to things that didn't require such a response (and, thus, call for some 'inner work')? It would be from checking in on these details that we can then look to integrate this process on a scheduled/ongoing basis so that there are opportunities for our system to come down quicker (before building up the 'debt')...
...simultaneously, I also find that a combination of energy support, adrenal support and sleep support can reduce the need for the stress response (the purpose of which is to correct the difference between The Resources We've Got and The Resources We Need). Naturally, exactly what this may look like would vary from one person to the next, although the Organic Acids Test can be very helpful starting point to build an idea of what any given individual may benefit from here.
Marek, I read this piece, and will read it again several times, as I sense it relates to dealing with extreme grief, such as sudden and devastating long-time-spousal loss with no health-warning precursors. The help provided by grief groups, etc., is somewhat socially tethering. But there is very little specific guidance extant on the neurobiology of shock, loss, and grief as those intersect with day to day life.
So for instance, while grief's monstrous disruption of sleep is widely acknowledged, and warned about, and the grieving person reassured that "this is normal," I have not seen any explanation of it that tracks with the information you supply. The remedy is "well, that will work itself out in time, just keep a regular schedule." But that doesn't help make sense of the situation where any accessible rest turns into turbo-grief stress. Add in that "grief" is sometimes considered an emotion, sometimes a process, sometimes a mystery, and of course Les Five Steps (the Kubler-Ross thing).
The vagueness of it all would lead one to think that death and loss are extremely rare.
I am also interested in this on behalf of those I've met who appear to have experienced, and are "swallowing," unprocessed or submerged grief resulting from the "covid" operation (being forced to accept loved ones dying alone, e.g., or not being able to secure for them needed health services, or sudden deaths post jab, or waking up to the fact that they knew something wasn't quite right about what they were being told, but they didn't push back). Though called "grief" their emotional state is more like hyperstimulated stress/trauma defined as "grief," given death is in the mix. But it has aspects that are both neurologically/biologically and socially forced.
My reaction/reading thoughts aren't yet clear, so I'll stop there. I just wanted to say thank you.
I'll add one thing. In general hospitals are structured around extreme activity and rush--one of their defining characteristics is allowing no place/time to rest. This is especially the case when ICU or other extreme care is involved. If death results, there is the immediate activity and rush of all the administrative details of spousal/familial loss. On top of that, the griever's need suddenly to be managing relationships of people awkward at best with grief. "Finally slowing down" is when the worst emotion hits--or as some note, the week after the funeral. "When the casseroles stop coming."
The loss of traditional holding patterns (family, community, etc.) complicate death, just as you note they complicate new life. Again, you'd think that death was vanishingly rare, judging from how poorly it is handled.
Thank you, this was very clear, informative and helpful. Also generally under-discussed.
Thanks. I do think it's high time our profession discussed this more; there are so many occasions that individuals lose heart because they FEEL worse and weren't briefed as to what shifts the treatment was likely to do for their system (and what patterns they are likely to see as a result). Of course, we can track this back to the education that practitioners receive, wherein there is such great focus on The Treatment rather than on the healing process itself.